The Golden Rogue Awards

Not so fast awards season! You’re not over yet! There’s one more important award to give out: the illustrious Golden Rogue Award. It’s the award for our favorite excerpt from Sarah Palin’s autobiography, Going Rogue.

The first nominee:

Ahead on the right, I saw the Alaska Right to Life (RTL) booth, where a poster caught my eye, taking my breath away. It featured the sweetest baby girl swathed in pink, pretend angel wings fastened to her soft shoulders. “That’s you, baby,” I whispered to Piper, as I have every year since she smiled for the picture as an infant.

This excerpt was nominated because it’s pretty awesome that Sarah Palin felt that she had to explain that the angel wings her daughter was wearing in the photo were only “pretend.”

The second nominee:

And I remember arguing with a nun who taught catechism and tried to teach me to write the letter E.  It seemed a naked letter to me, so I was determined to reinvent it. I insisted she let me improve it with at least a few more horizontal lines.

I nominated this because it has a strong emotional impact on me. It makes me feel like I am going crazy. Am I missing something? Is there something interesting about this story? And if she thinks the E looks naked, I don’t even want to know what she thinks about the L, or god forbid, the I.

The third nominee: 

I thought, Nah, C’mon, New York Talent, we can do better than that. What about a skit where I pretended to be a journalist and asked Tina condescending questions: “What do you use for newspapers up in Alaska—tree bark? “What happens if the moose were given guns? It wouldn’t be so easy then, eh?” “Is ‘you betcha’ your state motto?”

I nominated this because it shows some real chutzpah! In this excerpt, Sarah Palin is basically claiming that her jokes were funnier than those of the SNL writers. Well, if the ambassador to Canada gig doesn’t work out, maybe Lorne’s hiring.

And the last nominee:

He put his hands on his hips and, staring grimly at some point behind me, began to bend at the waist, bouncing first to the right, then to the left. Then the neck rolls started, presumably to get rid of all that nasty tension from being the front-runner. After that the senator from Delaware began stretching his quads, grabbing his dress shoe and pulling it up behind his designer-suited rear end. Right leg, then left.

I just love that this is how Biden prepared for the debate!

Please cast your vote in the comments!

Photo by Wikirishiaacharya - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=22307461